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"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
-- Stephen Roberts

"Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned."
-- unknown

"Only Sheep need a shepherd!"
-- unknown

"God is not dead. He is alive and working on a much less ambitious project."
-- graffito (1975), quoted from Jonathon Green, The Cassell Dictionary of Cynical Quotations

"Appraise the Lord: Tax church property."
-- bumper sticker

"Humanity without religion is like a serial killer without a chainsaw."
-- unknown

"Calling Atheism a religion is like calling bald a hair color."
--Don Hirschberg

"Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest"
--Denis Diderot

"The philosopher has never killed any priests, whereas the priest has killed a great many philosophers."
-- Denis Diderot

"the trouble with theocracy is that everyone wants to be Theo."
--James Dunn

"Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet."
--Napoleon Bonaparte, French emperor (1769-1821).

"The church says the earth is flat, but I know that it is round, for I have seen the shadow on the moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the church."
--Ferdinand Magellan, (14801521), Portuguese navigator: discoverer of the Straits of Magellan 1520 and the Philippines 1521.

"Clearly the person who accepts the Church as an infallible guide will believe whatever the Church teaches."
-- Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274) Roman Catholic philosopher

"Don't you know there ain't no devil, it's just god when he's drunk."
-- Tom Waits

"An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support."
-- John Buchan

"The atheist does not say 'there is no God,' but he says 'I know not what you mean by God; I am without idea of God'; the word 'God' is to me a sound conveying no clear or distinct affirmation. ... The Bible God I deny; the Christian God I disbelieve in; but I am not rash enough to say there is no God as long as you tell me you are unprepared to define God to me."
-- Charles Bradlaugh, 'Plea for Atheism'

Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?"
Priest: "No, not if you did not know."
Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"
-- Annie Dillard, 'Pilgrim at Tinker Creek'

"I give money for church organs in the hope the organ music will distract the congregation's attention from the rest of the service."
-- Andrew Carnegie (1835-1919)

"Gods always behave like the people who created them"
-- Zora Neale Hurston

"Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense."
-- Chapman Cohen

"Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy."
-- Ambrose Bierce

"I still say a church steeple with a lightening rod on top shows a lack of confidence."
-- Doug McLeod

"We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart."
-- H. L. Mencken

"Men never commit evil so fully and joyfuly as when they do it for religious convictions"
-- Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)

"Man has never been the same since God died. He has taken it very hard."
-- unknown

"The world holds two classes of men - intelligent men without religion, and religious men without intelligence."
-- Abu Ala Al-Ma'arri (???? - 1059)

"No philosophy, no religion, has ever brought so glad a message to the world as this good news of Atheism."
--Annie Wood Besant (1847-1933)

"Hey, let's get serious... God knows what he's doin' He wrote this book here And the book says: 'He made us all to be just like Him', So... If we're dumb... Then God is dumb... (And maybe even a little ugly on the side)"
- -Frank Zappa

"God created man in his own image. And man, being a gentleman, returned the favor."
-- Rousseau

"You know your god is man-made when he hates all the same people you do."
--[from Usenet]

"Atheism is a non-prophet organization"
-- unknown

"Organizing atheists is like hurding cats"
-- Madalyn Murray O'Hair

"In the absence of fear there is little faith."
-- Michael Pain

"If atheists are deaf to the word of God, then theists are blind to the ways of man."
-- Michael Pain

"You'll never find a dead Christian in a foxhole who didn't pray."
-- unnknown

"On the sixth day, God created man. On the seventh day, man returned the favor."
-- unknown

"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer."
-- unknown

"For god so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son,
that whosoever would believe in him would believe in anything."
-- unknown

"Theists think all gods but theirs are false. Atheists simply don't make an exception for the last one."
-- unknown

"Fundamentalism means never having to say 'I'm wrong.'"
-- unknown

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish"
-- unknown

"You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help?"
-- Dan Barker, Losing Faith in Faith



quotes from


"I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me."
- Homer Simpson

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done." - Homer Simpson

"Good drink... good meat... good God, let's eat!" - Homer Simpson

Stealing? How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what’s-his-name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughin’, did you?”
- Homer Simpson

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!"
- Homer Simpson

"Come on Milhouse, there’s no such thing as a soul! It’s just something they made up to scare kids, like the Boogie Man or Michael Jackson.”
- Bart Simpson

"I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens, he came in peace and then died, only to come back to life, and his name was E.T., the extra terestrial. I loved that little guy."
- Reverend Lovejoy

"Once something has been approved by the Government, It's no longer immoral."
- Reverend Lovejoy

"And as we pass the collection plate, please give as if the person next to you was watching."
-Reverend Lovejoy

Lovejoy: "Get a divorce."
Marge: "But isn't that a sin?"
Lovejoy: "Marge, just about everything is a sin. Y'ever sat down and read this thing? Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom."

"This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Now let us say the lord's prayer 40 times, but first let's pass the collection plate."
- Rev. Lovejoy

"Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends! Well I say there are some things we don't want to know! Important things!"
- Ned Flanders

"I put out these milk and cookies as a sacrifice. If Thou wishest me to eat them, please give me a
sign by doing absolutely nothing. MMMMmmmm..."
- Homer Simpson

"If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to GIRLS sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such."
- Homer Simpson

"Prayer has no place in the public schools, just like facts have no place in organized religion."
- School Superintendent on "The Simpsons" episode #100, 1994

"Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder"
- Homer Simpson's version of Pascal's Wager

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